The Things We Do
by The Fifth Dimension
Summary: Determined to fight her increasing boredom and loneliness, Becky suggests that she and Alexa get a pet. She soon learns exactly what Alexa's idea of a "pet" really is. The things she did for love.


**Author's Note: The next story in my Becky/Alexa AU series, a list of which can be found on my profile.**

* * *

_**The Things We Do**_

* * *

Becky was _bored_

This wasn't the typical run-of-the-mill boredom - the type of boredom where she could slap some headphones around her ears, letting the beats of drums and rhythm of guitars carry her to a much more exciting place. No, this was the type of boredom that music, for all of its good, couldn't lift her out of. It was boredom that bogged her down, pulling her under with its claw-like grip, never resting until it pierced her skin and dragged her into the dark depths below. It was boredom that ate away at her sanity until all that was left of her brain was a desolate wasteland, with only the sounds of times long forgotten to keep her company in the solitude of her mind.

She sighed into her pillow. It wasn't that extreme, but it sure as heck felt like it!

Picking her head up from the comfort of the brightly-covered bed - too lazy to wipe away the excess drool pooling at the edge of her lips - Becky took a glance at the time. She couldn't tell what time it was exactly, nor did she care. It didn't start with a '6,' so what was the point? Alexa wouldn't be home until the universe deemed it to be 6:30. Groaning into the void, she threw herself back into the perfectly Becky-shaped indent in her pillow.

Twice a week, Alexa would typically be offered to work more hours for extra pay. It was _good_, more money for food and bills was good, but it left Becky repeating the same routine during those long afternoons - arrive home, try to do something productive, become bored, sleep. And sleep. And then fail at sleeping. And then sleep again, at least until Alexa came home from work. It wasn't as if she didn't have a life or anything, at least, that's what she told herself. Being left alone for hours at a time with _nothing_ to do was just agonizing. If this is what Alexa felt when Becky used to work long nights, then she owed that small, beautiful soul all of the kisses in the world.

She wasn't a naturally clingy person, but she never had to spend so much time in her own, hollow head before moving - having so much free time was truly a blessing and a curse. It was the one and only drawback of dating her best friend, Becky discovered. Without her girlfriend, she couldn't very well call her best friend to hang out when she grew bored. Still, there had to be someone she could convince to come over, or buy ice cream with, or go window-shopping with.

Shifting over on the bed so that she wasn't suffocating anymore, Becky reached over for her phone, scrolling through her list of contacts.

'Hug-o-matic 3000' stood out to her, having recently sent Bayley a video of 'The World's Biggest Orange!' It was very big. Bayley would likely be busy, though, if not at work then hanging out at Sasha's. Becky could easily drive over, but she didn't have the heart to barge in on their alone time. She kept scrolling.

She could call up a friend from her old job, Finn, or 'Eight Abs McGee,' as she aptly named him on her phone. The last chance they had a moment to talk, Finn was making fun of her "schoolgirl crush" on Alexa, so it had been quite some time. It would be fun to catch up and tell him all about how her schoolgirl crush turned into a full-on romance. Yet, Finn was likely busy too. Counting his abs? Working out with his pals? Both a distinct possibility. The scrolling continued.

Finally, Becky found a name in her contacts that she smiled at. It was someone she knew she could depend on when times were rough. Someone she _knew_ would never let her face the evil villain known as Boredom on her own. She began to type out her text.

_Hey Charlotte ol' friend o' mine! What'cha up to?_

She was prepared for to wait a minute for a reply, but received one instantly. Triumphantly, she let out a "Yes!" of victory, before reading the text.

_no_

Becky grumbled. Charlotte was an expert at pushing her buttons without even really trying.

_You didn't even let me ask you anything._

_every time you ask me for something i end up having to drive over to your place_

_You live FIVE MINUTES AWAY! I'm not a penguin in the arctic_

_its a tuesday afternoon einstein, im tired_

_I could drive over there!_

Becky nearly pumped her fist in victory, sitting up in excited anticipation. Charlotte couldn't complain if she let Becky do the driving.

_im meeting this girl for a date_

_Um excuse me. What¿ What happened to the one guy? I thought you hit it off_

_we were until he kept going on and on about himself, but this girl is way less conceited_

The Irish woman wanted to throw her phone at the wall. Some savior Charlotte was. The evil villain wins again!

_I'm happy for you, but know that I will never forget this BETRAYAL_

_love you too bozo. get a hobby while im gone_

Becky scoffed aloud, which was a lot less impactful when sitting alone in an empty house. She had hobbies! She easily clocked in thirty hours on the dinosaur game on her phone. She also watched ample amounts of television, and, lest she forget, her greatest hobby of all - coming up with clever wordplay in the form of puns.

She scratched the back of her head. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to add another hobby to her repertoire. Becky picked up her phone again, staring at the screen intently as she practically bashed it with her thumbs, tap-tap-tapping away. She wasn't sure how she felt about 'how to get a hobby when you're dying of certain boredom' being in her Google search history, but she was desperate. It didn't take very long for Becky to find something that could keep her occupied.

'200 Hobbies - If You're Reading This, You Might Need It'

Insulting headline aside, it _was_ something that she needed. Hesitantly, she clicked on the link, determined to make the most of her time alone.

It was going to be an interesting afternoon.

* * *

Two hours later, Becky was elated.

Not because she found a hobby. No, that was a horrendous disaster of epic proportions.

The first hobby on the list was magic. She had never given the idea of magic too much thought in the past, but she did recall a time where a distant uncle pulled a dollar out of her ear. For an eight-year-old, that was on the same level as Houdini. It was a masterclass of illusions that whisked her away to worlds anew, filling her young heart with wonder and splendor. Of course, most of said splendor was due to the fact that she got to keep the dollar. It might as well have been a million dollars at the candy store.

So, there was no harm in trying, she figured. After scrounging around the house for a deck of old playing cards, combing through every drawer that she could, Becky was ready to get to work. It took just under twelve minutes for her to see that she was arguably the worst apprentice magician of all time - she couldn't pick out an Ace from a Queen. While her ability to correctly guess cards was severely lacking, if there were ever a championship tournament for 52-card pickup, Becky was positive that she would be odds on favorite to win. Not only was she inept at magic, she also suffered from intense battle wounds, her thumb now bandaged from a Joker-induced paper cut.

She was wrong. There was harm in trying.

Glossing over anything to do with cooking, baking, or having to _exist_ inside of a kitchen, the next item on the list was writing poetry. This seemed very much like an Alexa thing, the woman a natural at whispering sweet nothings to her on a daily and, more often, nightly basis. Still, with her pun expertise, maybe Becky could become a Renaissance poet of a new generation - a true author of romance on the levels of Edgar Allan Poe. Wait, was he the love guy or the creepy guy? Ah, she didn't care about specifics, not when there was poetry to write. Licking the tip of her pen, she ripped out a sheet of paper from an old Biology notebook, ready to transcribe the essence of her soul into written form.

At some point.

Completely and utterly stumped, Becky had come to the conclusion that words were hard. After thirty minutes of staring blankly and another three of actual writing, she decided to review what she had written.

_The love of my life, soft and pure_

_She has nice hair, of this I am sure_

_And even though she is but five feet_

_Her heart is large, and that's pretty neat_

She wanted to vomit. A room full of children would laugh her out of the building. Choosing to hide her shameful display for an eternity, she tore the paper to shreds. Unless she wanted to melt Alexa's eyes from her skull, it was better to keep her away from Becky's poetry.

She tried hobby after hobby, failing at each and every one. When she had reached 'Become a mime!' at number fifty, she knew all hope was lost. If she had to resort to wearing tacky striped shirts and annoying every human being on the planet with hand gestures, she'd rather bore herself to tears. The thing that really nagged at the back of her head, though, wasn't the boredom. Despite failing to find a hobby, she realized that she was enjoying the process. She wasn't really that bored anymore.

She was lonely.

Alexa working a bit later in the day was the catalyst, but it wasn't an Alexa problem. Scrolling through her phone, it was impossible to find anyone that would be willing to meet with her, even for an hour or so. Becky didn't blame any of them in the slightest. Charlotte, Bayley, Sasha, even old work mates and college acquaintances - they all had their own lives. Being busy, having less and less free time, it was part of being an adult. It was understandable that they would have less time for her as well. It was understandable, but it bothered her all the same. Her girlfriend - her _best friend_\- being away helped Becky understand that, yes, she was lonely.

And despite that, two hours after coming across the Hobby List of Doom, Becky was elated.

She found the perfect solution.

Adding 'how to stop being lonely please help me thank you kindly' to her search history, Becky had stumbled across a few internet forums. Some ideas were undeniably awful.

"You got it, internet," she said, addressing an internet poster from 2013 that would never hear her. "I'll just hop on a plane and go to freakin' Hawaii. Thanks!"

The suggestions ranged from joining some sort of social club to dropping everything and traveling across the globe. Both were pretty impractical. Right when she was ready to rip her hair out, strand by vibrant strand, one thing stood head-and-shoulders above the rest.

Getting a dog.

How did she not think of this sooner?! It was perfect! Every new home owner needed a dog. The fact that a dog didn't come as a package deal with their house was honestly criminal, if she was being perfectly honest. Picturing herself with a furry friend to pet and play with, cuddling up with them when she felt lonely, praising them - calling them a "Good boy!" or a "Good girl!" just for living on this planet as a dog. It was pure joy made of fur, bright eyes, a wagging tail, and four little paws that would pitter-patter around the house as they retrieved their red, bouncing ball.

Taking a breath to calm down, Becky bookmarked the page, one that explained all of the upsides to having a dog, saving it to show to Alexa later. Surely the blond wouldn't mind. She was the one that introduced 'doggo' and 'floofer' and, the even more absurd, 'doggywoggysnuggleboy' into her life. Becky was convinced that Alexa would be behind this - there wasn't a doubt in her dog-obsessed mind. Now, all she had to do was wait for-

Becky pulled her soon-to-be rotting carcass up off of the couch as the click of the doorknob reached her ears. Before her girlfriend could fully step inside of the house, Becky was hovering over her. "Welcome home, apple-of-my-eye!"

"Ugh," Alexa groaned, side-stepping the eager woman as she began to unbutton her thin jacket. "Are you and Bayley _still_ talking about fruit?!"

"No. Well, yes," Becky corrected. "It was this gigantic orange."

"Yes, I'm aware of the very big orange. You've sent multiple texts about it."

"The fruit isn't what's important here," Becky said. She went to reach for her phone, realized that she left it on the couch, and scrambled to run over and grab it. She was a walking comedy of errors, but she was too excited to care. Flipping through tabs, she pulled up a page that read, 'All About Dogs!' She shoved the phone so close to Alexa's face that she nearly slammed the screen into her nose. Thankfully, Alexa's reaction time wasn't slow.

Before she could get the chance to admonish Becky for her reckless behavior, she started to read what was in front of her face. "Oh, someone's getting a dog?" she concluded.

"Yes - we are!"

Alexa blinked.

"Uh, Becky say what now?"

Ignoring the confusion written all over Alexa's face, arms, legs, and presumably everywhere else, Becky began to explain. "Look, I've been a little lonely lately-"

"You have?" Alexa asked. She seemed completely puzzled by this revelation. "You didn't tell me that."

"I didn't really get it myself until today. It's not your fault, which I know is what you're thinking."

"You can't read my mind."

"Please. We're practically two halves of the same idiot," Becky added, playfully. "Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that we should get a dog, so that I can love him forever. Or her."

Becky had to admit, it wasn't her most convincing sell of all time, but Alexa had to agree, right? Having a playful, precious, pleasant puppy around would light up their entire lives. It would be like taking care of a child! On second thought, it would probably be better to keep that last part to herself. Alexa would agree. Yes, Becky said internally, they could definitely get a dog.

"We can't get a dog."

Suddenly, Becky felt all of her dreams crumbling around her. Alexa's words hit her across the face like a frying pan, smacking her down from her warm fantasy to cold reality. Becky wanted more than anything to protest, but Alexa sharply interrupted her train of thought with a sigh. An Alexa sigh of this caliber meant one of two things: she was disappointed in a joke, or she was getting ready to reject one of Becky's ideas. The sun-kissed redhead couldn't remember inserting a 'ruff going' joke anywhere, so this, unfortunately, left the latter.

"Why not?" Becky asked. "I had everything planned out! The pets, the treats, the 'Who's a good boy?' Spoiler: he's the good boy. Or he would be if you let me get him."

Despite Becky's obvious displeasure, Alexa was largely unaffected. "We just moved in not even two months ago."

"So?"

"_So_, you haven't even unpacked all of your boxes." Alexa threw her thumb over to the corner of the living room, where several boxes labeled, 'Rad Things Belonging To Becky' sat, completely unopened.

"I said I'd get around to it," Becky countered sheepishly.

"When?"

"Eventually."

Alexa shook her head, unamused with Becky's antics. It was hard to argue. She really should have unpacked those boxes weeks ago. Her random bouts of laziness were always going to catch up with her sooner or later, but why did it have to be sooner?

"Look," Becky began to plead her case once more. "It'll be different with a dog."

"How?" Alexa asked quizzically, arms folded over her chest.

"I just know it will." God, she was terrible at this.

"Where would we find space for their bed? Do we have enough money for food? Toys? Do we have the time to walk them? Play with them? Who would take care of them if we ever decided to go on vacation?"

So, clearly Alexa had put more thought into this than Becky had. That wasn't good, considering that Becky had spent the last hour looking at dogs and dog-related things. She was getting ready to take up her Master's in Dogology, for crying out loud! These were questions that she hadn't gotten the chance to lie down and truly think about. She did have an answer for the last one, at the very least.

"Bayley. She loves dogs."

"She can't even watch those dog commercials without crying."

"Ah, yeah. Poor Mr. Fluffers."

Becky had nearly forgotten about Bayley's dog. That was Bayley and Sasha out then. Charlotte would never volunteer to babysit - dogsit? - being strictly loyal to her feline friends.

"Honey." Alexa took Becky's hand, but it didn't make her next words any less disappointing. "I know that you're lonely, but it's just..."

"It's just…?"

"Too soon."

Deep down in her heart, Becky knew that Alexa was right. She usually was, about everything. Maybe if Becky had waited, or had done more research, then things would have ended up differently. She didn't inspire much confidence in her ability to be responsible either.

None of her attempts to justify Alexa's stance served to soften the blow.

"We can come back to this in a couple of months, when we're settled in?" Alexa stated, though it came out as more of a question. It was one of those half questions that was only meant to appease. It didn't work, but Becky couldn't find it in her to argue the point any further, not when Alexa was so adamantly against the idea.

"Yeah, I guess so." Becky didn't bother trying to hide her dismay. Her body language gave it away long ago, head hung low, shoulders slumped.

"We should spend more quality time together to shake the loneliness off. Like a… a date night! We haven't had one of those in a while!"

While Alexa was becoming increasingly thrilled at the prospect of going on an actual date, planning out their future night on the town with gusto, it was difficult for Becky's one-track mind to match her level of enthusiasm. It was her own fault for getting her hopes up. As Alexa continued to rattle off places to eat and movies to cuddle up at, Becky only wondered when Alexa's job would keep her out late again, future dread creeping in before her present dread could fully creep out. Was it tomorrow? Well, perhaps someone would be free to spend the day with Becky tomorrow.

Somehow, she had a feeling that they wouldn't be.

* * *

A full ten days had passed since Operation: Own A Dog was shut down, and Becky was as disappointed now as she was then. On Alexa's insistence, the happy couple had their date night. Dinner, a movie, and the amazing late night everything that came after. It was fantastic, and for once, nothing went completely awry. No fires, no missing wallets or ornate purses, no middle-aged men directing crude remarks at Alexa, and no falling asleep at the movie, which was a shock for them both. She couldn't help it! Being curled up next to Alexa in a cold, but not too cold, dimly lit room would make any human's eyelids heavy.

Their date miraculously went as planned, and though it had the desired effect of keeping Becky's newfound loneliness at bay, it was only momentarily. The loneliness found a way to hold on, as it did every single time, sinking its teeth into Becky's life, letting go only when it chose to.

She was overreacting. That's what she kept repeating. Everyone's friends were busy. That's what it meant to grow up, right? Becky doubted that Charlotte was complaining. She doubted that Bayley or Sasha were complaining. If they didn't complain, she didn't have the right to either.

But Becky wasn't them. Coming to terms with her own feelings was constantly such a tough mountain to climb. Yet she couldn't let the feelings of others, even her friends, dictate how _she_ felt. _She_ felt lonely. _She_ felt like she needed to do something to fix that. She didn't know what that something was, but she'd figure it out. After all, she'd have plenty of alone time to do it.

Laughing at her own depressing joke, Becky shook the stray thought away and began the arduous trek up her now-repaired front steps. Her heart nearly stopped when she noticed the lights on through the window, but quickly remembered that Alexa had taken the day off from work. She didn't say why, exactly, nor did Becky pry, though she had a hunch it was just an excuse for Alexa to get a few extra hours of sleep in. She nudged the door as quietly as was physically possible for an uncoordinated Irish woman, poking her head inside once she had ample room to do so.

Becky shoved the door wide open in surprise when she saw the state of their house.

Scattered across the floor were broken bits and pieces of _everything_. Photos, cushions, magazines, cardboard. If someone had told her that a tornado spawned in her living room this afternoon, she would tell them that not even a tornado could create this sort of property damage. Two, sure, if they were spinning simultaneously, like a wicked dance - a couple drunkenly barreling into any and all objects in their path.

Becky picked up a ruined photo from the floor, or what was left of it, trying her hardest to figure out what it was before it met its untimely demise. Squinting, she could barely make out the faint traces of some hair. It could've also been a plate of spaghetti for all she knew. It was torn to shreds, as were the dozens of others. She could feel the irritation bubbling in the pit of her stomach, boiling until it became a searing frustration.

She went to grab another photo, stopping only when she noticed a trail of scraps. Becky followed this new lead for a lengthy seven seconds, her detective skills taking her straight into the kitchen. It was there that her eyes landed on the culprit.

And it wasn't a tornado.

Sitting there on the floor, gently stroking some creature's stomach, was Alexa. 'Creature,' because Becky didn't want to believe what she was seeing. Couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"What… is that?" Becky asked, slowly. If this was a nightmare, she pondered, shouldn't she be waking up right about now?

Alexa looked like a deer in headlights, if said headlights were threatening to gain sentience and strangle her to death. "Becks! You're home! What are you doing here?"

"I live here," Becky stated without a trace of her usual light-hearted humor. "What is that?"

"This," Alexa began, with a little too much excitement in voice. "This is our, um, pet pig!"

Pet pig.

Pet _pig_.

Pet. Pig.

Becky repeated the words again and again in her head. They were two words that should never be spoken together, side-by-side, as they were just now. She didn't want to speak them into existence, hoping that, with enough prayers and wishful thinking, this would all go away. It didn't.

"I'm sorry. For a second, I thought you said 'pet pig.' My ears ain't what they used to be, you know."

"Uh, that is what I said," Alexa replied, nervously.

"No, no it's not. I mean, if you said that, then that would mean that we own it."

"We do own _him._"

"How did this happen?!" Becky yelled.

Alexa paused her monotonous belly-rubbing, pulling her hand away from her plump, albeit small, pig. She fidgeted around on the ground, obviously looking for a way to begin in a manner that would make some modicum of sense. Becky asked for an explanation, but what explanation could actually _explain_ this?

"Remember how you said you wanted a dog?"

"This isn't exactly Mr. Fluffers over here, Lexi. Do you know what a dog is? You know, bark bark? Bow wow? Ruff ruff?"

"Shut up!" Alexa raised her voice, drawing Becky's attention back to the conversation. "Look, the reason why I took the day off from work was because I was _planning_ to get us a dog."

Becky took another look at the animal currently taking up residence in their kitchen. It - he? - was happily chewing on what she could only assume was another precious memory. He didn't have a care in the world, mindlessly filling his fat little belly with things that don't belong in there.

"I can see your plan worked to perfection," Becky quipped. She wasn't being very subtle with her sarcasm, but she was way past the point of watching her tone.

"I went to the adoption center to save some poor dog, when I saw this little guy in the corner!" Alexa began to rub his stomach again. "His eyes were calling out to me. I could hear him. 'Save me, Alexa! No one else wants me!' How could I not take him?"

"By leaving."

"Babe."

"Don't you 'babe' me, missy! I'm still trying to wrap my head around Hammy over here."

Alexa shot Becky a scowl, offended by the latter's choice of nickname. "His name isn't Hammy! It's Larry-Steve!"

The Irish woman jumped back in horror, refusing to accept the atrocities that spewed from Alexa's now-tainted lips. "You gave him two first names?!"

"So?"

"You can't trust anything with two first names!" Taking a step forward, Becky leaned down to examine the pig, Larry-Steve, more closely. "I mean, really. You said a dog would be too much trouble, but a pig is all fine and dandy? Are pigs even legal?"

"Buddy said that they are."

"Buddy?" Becky raised her brow in confusion. "Who the heck is Buddy?"

"Oh, the… guy. The guy that works at the shelter." Alexa waved Becky's question away, solely fixated on tending to Larry-Steve. Becky could imagine what kind of minefield was being set off in that pig's stomach right about now.

"Ohhhh, Buddy. Right. And I bet his friend, Pal, said that chickens are house trained."

"Chickens are surprisingly well-behaved pets."

"Hey hey, easy there, Dr. Dolittle."

"Are you telling me that you saw this baby's itty bitty widdle face and didn't immediately fall in love? Dis widdle baby waby and his widdle baby waby snoot?" Alexa's face was brushing up against Larry-Steve's, giving him some sort of Eskimo kiss. It was the most adorable thing Becky had ever seen, and she had seen some adorable things. Mostly from Alexa. She so desperately wanted to refuse outright, but relented.

God, Alexa being cute was going to be the death of her.

"Okay. Let's say, hypothetically speaking, I was suddenly cool with this whole pig situation. Weren't you the one that said we weren't ready for a pet? Who would even watch it? Him."

"My mom said she would be willing to watch our dog. Well, when we were still getting a dog. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Here, I've even got his bed all set up. _And!_" Alexa pulled out a sheet of paper from her back pocket. "Here's a list of foods that pigs can eat."

Becky didn't know what to say. What could she say? There was a pig in their house. An actual, real life, can-be-found-at-farmer-Ted's-barn pig. Nothing made sense anymore. Just the mere presence of this pig anywhere outside of a farm was enough to bend reality to its will.

"Becky, the reason why I wanted to surprise you with a dog in the first place was because I realized that I was wrong."

"About what?" Becky replied.

"About us not being able to handle it. You were right, and I'm sorry that I didn't take your feelings into consideration more."

"It did kind of hurt a little," Becky admitted, momentarily shoving the pig to the back of her mind. "You basically shut down everything I wanted to say."

"Which wasn't right!" Alexa added. She was speaking more frantically, trying to convince Becky that she did understand her point of view. "I get that. It's never okay to ignore your feelings like I did. You've been lonely, but look. Now we have this piggy wiggy here to keep you company!"

How Alexa was already so attached to Larry-Steve, Becky would never quite figure out. Yet, once Alexa gave something a name - made it hers, made it real - she would never let it go. Not for anything.

"Do you really think we can take care of him?" This was it. Becky could feel herself giving in, inch by inch. There was no going back now. They were on pig highway, and they would have to keep driving forward.

"I know we can."

Becky turned to Alexa, then to Larry-Steve. Then back to Alexa, then to Larry-Steve.

"I do have to admit, he is kind of cute. You know, when he's not snacking on my things. We'll work on that."

Alexa opened her mouth to comment, before actually hearing Becky's words. Without warning, she quickly ran over and threw her petite arms around Becky's neck. Seeing this reaction - this pure, wonderful reaction - made the future cleaning spree worth it. Becky wasn't entirely sure if she was ready to care for a pig, but she was willing to try.

"The things we do for love, eh?" Becky stated with a smile, which Alexa reciprocated wholeheartedly.

"You'll keep my Becky-bear from being so lonely, won't you, Larry-Steve?" Alexa received a belch for her troubles. "I'll take that as a yes. You two are going to have so much fun playing together."

In spite of how weird her entire life had just become in the span of thirty minutes, Becky was optimistic. Who knows? Larry-Steve could be the secret to combating her loneliness that she was searching for this whole time.

A light bulb went off in Becky's head as she remembered an incredibly crucial question.

"Does he fetch?"

"I… don't know."

At least one thing was certain - Becky wouldn't be bored any time soon.


End file.
